July Roundup, '18


It's been a looong month, y'all. Let's dive right in:

Watch This Shit:

  • Art Prison

    An art critic gets sent to a prison for artists. Naturally, he's the lowest man on the totem pole. It's kinda genius. I support Adult Swim again! (If they turn this into a series, that is. So far, it's just the one episode on the schedule.)

  • Castle Rock

    A bit slow to start, but probably mysterious enough to pique your interest. One of them Skarsgård boys shows up in a cage underneath Shawshank (lots of prison this month) and no one's exactly sure how he got there or why, except for John Locke who was the H.B.I.C. at the prison until he offed himself (in the same lake, btw, that Skarsgård's lawyer happened to reappear at after going missing for a bit as a child). Also, Melanie Lynskey might be stalking him. (The lawyer, not the Skarsgård.)

    See? Mysterious!

  • The Comedy Lineup

    Your average stand-up series, except it had the good sense to start with Michelle Buteau. Oh, also, #onlypossibleplottwist: the episodes are only 15 minutes long.

    (It should probably be in "Meh," 'cause the quality depends on the comedian, but... Michelle Buteau. She can't be in "Meh.")

  • Hip-Hop Houdini

    Well, whaddya know? A personable magician who isn't loud or obnoxious! And he spends time featuring his guests, when he's not blowing their minds. He's a fan, and he gets to impress the musicians he likes. It's a real good time.

  • Rest in Power: The Trayvon Martin Story

    "The American dream is dead." So opens the six-part docuseries about a murdered child, his family, and the injustice of it all.

  • Seatbelt Psychic

    This shit's cute. A Lyft driver gives psychic readings to some folks. Plus he's kinda gay about it.

  • Sharp Objects

    Buffy alumni continuing to take over the world! Marti Noxon created this sweaty, journalistic creepfest set in who-knows-where Missouri. Amy Adams returns to the home town she never wanted to revisit, at her boss' behest, to write a story about the local girls who keep ending up hurt, lost, and/or murdered.

    Sidebar 1: Major props to the casting department for getting Sophia Lillis to play young Amy Adams. Also, it's stupid that Jessica Chastain (rather than Amy Adams) is playing adult Beverly Marsh in the next It. But whatevs.

    Sidebar 2: Damn near all of the music they're using is fucking delicious. Just sayin'.


  • Caroline & Friends

    A viral video talk show. If you can get past the cheese (our dear Ms. Rhea even apologizes mid-joke when it's too clean, which kinda makes it funnier), it's a pretty good time. It is on the Game Show Network, but it's not so much a game. Though, a favorite video does get picked. So, I guess that counts as game-like?

  • Sacred Lies

    Facebook's young adult version of The Path. If you can get past how juvenile it is (no pun intended; our main character [presumably] escapes a cult and ends up in juvie, you see), it may be worth your time. Especially since Toby Huss is playing the cult leader, and I love me some him.

  • TKO: Total Knock Out

    Ninja Warrior meets Game of Games. Kevin Hart gets some good one-liners in, but that's about the most this show's got going for it.

Don't Watch This Shit:

  • Miz & Mrs.

    I don't hate wrestling. But I'm also gay. This means: I watch Glow rather than Raw. But I'm also a '90s kid, so I gave a Real World alum a chance. Episode 1 of this "reality" show deals with Mike "The Miz" Mizanin "accidentally" walking naked into a room full of professional women, including his wife Maryse Ouellet. And why'd he do it, you ask? Because of bad cell reception. Hilarious, right?

    The man himself has even made it a point to tell viewers not to worry about what's real or fake (yawn) in this series, because the shit is obviously fake. But that kinda makes the situation worse. Laughing off a man whipping his dick out in a professional setting? That's not entertainment, folks.

  • Mostly 4 Millennials

    I mean, just... why? Seriously, why? Why on the Earth planet?

    I'm back to hating Adult Swim again. This they turn into a series, but not Art Prison?! The fuck?

  • The Outpost

    Do the creators of this show have dirt on CW execs? Or is this just what happens to the CW when the world loses its shit over John Snow? I guess everyone needs a fucking dragon now.

  • Who Is America?

    I just honestly couldn't give a fuck what stereotypes Sasha Baron Cohen decided it was time for him to personify. Especially if it put money into O.J. Simpson's pockets. Hard pass.

Honorable Mention:

  • Signed, Sealed, Delivered: To the Altar

    If y'all haven't watched all of these incredibly sappy Hallmark movies, then first do all the catching up you need to, after which you can watch the latest film in the series that premiered this month. Then go out and be nice to a mother! Your own, if you're able.

The Shit I Missed:

  • Ozzy and Jack's World Detour

    So, I'm not gonna lie: I don't generally give fuck all about history. "History," to me, means school. School and I never got along. With that being said: I'd forgotten how great The Osbournes was until I saw the Cultureshock episode about it. That doc and the memory of my youth (and HOW MUCH THEY FUCKING CURSED AND HOW GOOD THAT GOD DAMN FELT) was enough to finally give this series a shot. And thankfully, it's so much more Ozzy & Jack doing history than history doing Ozzy & Jack. Try it if you haven't already.