May Roundup, '19
Not as exciting as last month's shows, but definitely some goodies in this new bunch, with more than a few films making the Honorable Mentions list. Also, fun fact: this may be the first time that everything on the Watch list is from Netflix. And, as always, the extra good shit's in bold.
Watch This Shit:
Christina Applegate's a new widow with anger issues (can you blame her?). Everything pretty much sucks for her, except her kids. Linda Cardellini is one of those "free spirit" weirdos, also a widow (if a fiancé counts). Things suck less for her, but they still suck. They meet at a grief support group, become fast friends, and the series gets way funnier than it sounds, I swear. Plus there's a twist: the fiancé isn't dead, he's just super ready for a restraining order. Also, Linda probably killed Christina's huz. #dramz
Jackass: The Game Show. A bunch of gluttons for punishment get put to the test by getting beat the fuck up in all sorts of ways. The more they flinch, the more points their host counterparts get. The host with the most (come through, Beetlejuice references!) has to face their own flinch challenge at the end of each episode.
It ain't about classic meals, folks. Comedians play the part of historical figures and verbally cuts up another. Think Drunk History meets the Friars Club. (Maybe skip the Anne Frank episode, though.)
OITNB: The Documentary. Painful truths about living life in jail, with or without convictions, dealing with exactly how fucked up the prison-industrial complex is.
At this point, Netflix has gotten so ridiculously huge that they're ripping themselves off. They canceled Between so they could make it again, but... less Canadian, I guess? The plot's basically the same: no adults. It's the "why?" that seems to be different. And, if I'm being honest, the quality is superior. So, where Between got stale, hopefully Society will get interesting.
My theory: they're stuck in a government experiment, placed in a town that was built as an exact replica of their hometown, but it sure as shit isn't home. (Y'all, I swear I wrote that sentence before one of the characters said it!) No TV, no internet, no phone, and no way out.
The appalling true story of the Central Park Five case, in which five innocent black and hispanic teenagers were charged and convicted of the rape of a white woman in Central Park, though none of their DNA matched what was tested in the rape kit. They spent 6 to 13 years in prison. The first episode, co-written and directed by the great Ava DuVernay, mostly deals with the initial interrogation of the boys and pulls zero punches.
Taking a cue from The CW's Charmed reboot, NBC has decided to basically make a younger Medium. A 20-something woman gets psychic visions of murders, that may be about to happen or have already happened in the past (#convenient), which helps her surrogate dad, who's a police officer (#lesssarcasticconvenient). There's also an ex-FBI agent who's new in town and generally being... boring, if I'm honest, but less boring than the average as fuck bartender who our psychic sexually objectifies (which I fully support, by the way). It's all wrapped in an a not-completely-terrible series bow (even with the annoying little dead girl who's always home), so give it a chance if any of that strikes your fancy.
P.S. The jail scene is real extra badass. It definitely shifted me a lot more closer to "Watch" than "Don't Watch."
To be fair, my husband picked a fight with me while I was watching this, so maybe that's why I'm really not into some random white dude going onto the "front lines of American activism." That being said, the stories this docuseries are shining a light on are well worth being shown. The first episode centers on veterans with PTSD who are channeling it through pro wrestling, of all things.
The folks behind the Bad Boys franchise figured it was time for Bad Girls. I might be more into it if the first fucking minute wasn't dedicated to a godamn selfie. But definitely check it out if you're into procedurals and you're tired of old white dudes always running the show.
I'll say it again for the folks in the back: I loveee me some spooky shit. But, y'all... the new crop of paranormal reality shows are simply not doing it for me. Ozzy's on tour, so Jack needed a new paycheck (since no one wants to see him and Kelly visiting boring places in America). Same for Katrina, who needed a new gig now that Paranormal Lockdown's officially (unfortunately) dead. I'm sure she's glad she gets to sleep in proper beds on the job again, but I don't foresee it lasting long. Also, "We think this place is haunted, so YUP, it's a portal to hell" is fucking stupid. But since Ghost Brothers is canceled too, it's either this, that awful shit from last month, or Zak Bagans' ridiculous ass.
Don't Watch This Shit:
That blonde dude is pretty. That's about all this one's got going for it. Otherwise, eyerollllllllll.
It's funny if you're a dog person, maybe? Or if you think unfunny things are funny? My cat and I did not enjoy it, to say the least.
A.k.a. How To Make Garbage Pop.
A boring straight couple talk themselves in circles discussing their relationship, specifically the wife's adultery. Just rewatch Catastrophe instead.
A self-aware Indecent Proposal reboot. A rich white woman who does anything she wants isn't any more interesting than a rich white man who does the same, I'm afraid. However, if you want a good look at Supergirl's ex-husband's ass, give the first episode a go.
If you're in the mood to have your heart shattered into 4 million pieces, then watch this up close and very personal documentary about the American foster car system.
Two cellists fangril the shit out of each other until they meet and get super lesbionic. After a night of sexy-time, they decide to travel together ("rough and tumble," backpacker-style). It should be supes romantic, but one of them gets hella sick, possibly because the other one is pulling a full-on Single White Female, maybe because of a fun new airborne virus, or it could be the FUCKING MAGGOTS LIVING IN HER STOMACH. Suffice it to say: shit gets c. r. a. z. y.
A close look at the absolute gotdamn fucking MAGIC that is pride parades.
Plus, as mentioned last month, YouTube's getting their shit together and putting their content out for free. So, bitch, you've got no excuse to not watch it.
P.S. Biggggg shout-out to Our Lady J who said that gay white cis men centering themselves in pride events is problematic directly to the gay white cis man making a documentary about pride.
All your favorite SNL alums head to Napa! Based on two actual trips they took in real life, they each play characters loosely (pretty accurately, tbh) based on themselves.
P.S. Emily Spivey for all the wins.
The Shit I'm Not Sure About, but Am Telling You to Watch Anyway:
I'm not watching this one (I've seen quite enough apocalyptic shit, tyvm). But, by way of Amanda Palmer, I'm saying maybe give it a shot anyway because it doesn't look awful. It kinda seems like a much brighter post-season 5 Supernatural.
This one's premiering some time today (May 31st), so I haven't watched it yet, but it has been getting rave reviews from those who have seen it. So, I'm definitely recommending it, especially for any horror super-fan like myself.