June Roundup, '19
Ugh. It's so summer. Everything gets all heat-strokey and wild, especially on TV. Lots of craziness to sift through, so let's jump right in...
Watch This Shit:
Alternatino with Arturo Castro
Sketch comedy from the latinx perspective. It's a real good time. #fuckcostarica
HBO has decided to boldly go where they had yet to go before: teen drama. Zendaya leads the cast of youngins fucking and getting fucked up as Rue, to the semi-autobiographical tune of Sam Levinson, but Hunter Schafer's Jules easily steals the show.
Pro tip: think less about what to write in your review while watching this show and actually just watch it because the time jumps will scramble your brain while you're trying to think of some interesting shit to say. Anyway, Carla Gugino is a fresh-out-of-prison super-thief raising her kid in the 'burbs. Giancarlo Esposito sucks her back into the life, dramatics ensue. Imagine Banshee, but with just a pinch more spy comedy added into the genre mix. Make no mistake, though: it is definitely a drama. And if it's Cinemax trying to recreate the success of Banshee, I think they'll reach that goal.
Some goth kids (and Fred Armisen) get their scare on, professionally.
Boston meets Krampus. It feels super creepypasta, in a really good way, and it's basically the closest thing to Channel Zero that's actually on the air, so if you're any kind of horror fan: watch ittttt.
This is a wild one, folks. It's sort of like if Wes Anderson made a Western crime drama. We've got a married couple who apparently ran a phony church and made mad money, their kid who wants to steal it, and a stranger at the center of it all who mainly (in the first episode, at least) knocks out a 14-year-old before stealing an identity. Then John Locke shows up with a beard and a cowboy hat. (See? "Wild.")
In a nation led by a mongrel who would have every story printed painted as "fake news," The New York Times is making an effort to showcase exactly what its purpose is. A new expounded story will premiere every week based on a previously printed NYT article. The first episode deals with an unaccredited school, fraught with cases of child abuse, that is still in operation today.
It's British This Is Us, if Trump wins re-election.
Also, shout-out to Dino Fetscher, who "is such a sexy daddy, he can have me any day."
Meh:
Awake: The Million Dollar Game
Minute to Win It meets insomnia. It's good if you like seeing tired people do dumb shit.
Doscuseries about why innocent people got convicted based on shitty evidence, but "evidence" nonetheless.
Ninja Warrior meets mini-golf. It's surprisingly funny, but I'm probably not gonna watch it again 'cause... it's still just golf, y'all.
This one was billed as "a behind the scenes look at all the queens on the Drag Race tour," so if you were thinking that meant "this is basically The Real World, but on tour, and the whole cast is drag queens," then congrats: you thought the same thing I did. But unfortunately, what we're getting is entire episodes dedicated to just one queen and their perspective, with some brief cameos from some other queer folks. So, if you, also like me, don't love every queen who's ever won Drag Race, then you'll understand why I'm giving it a fair "Meh." Frankly, I'm not trying to spend 33 minutes with fuckin' Aquaria, which is essentially episode one, aside from some welcomed Sharon Needles bits that also kept it off the "Don't Watch" list.
Don't Watch This Shit:
I truly don't know who this show is for, except for Lucas Neff fans who are into dirt play. I'm not complaining about his incredibly adorable self being excessively shirtless, I'm complaining about the Charlotte York redux who decides she's done having sex in the city and wants to join the Ren Faire.
The talent show for folks who hate competition and likable hosts.
In a dystopian near-future, an unstoppable virus has fucked Earth up, but not enough for things to get less fast or furious. Passsss.
It's Ghosts of Shepherdstown, but with less interesting investigators. Just more lame, not-spooky spooky shit.
A woman with amnesia wakes up in the pouring rain surrounded by a bunch of dead folks. She has a quick jog in her WHITE BLOUSE (come on, wardrobe department) before finding the note she left herself that basically says "Molly, you in danger, gurl." (Her name's not Molly, but the Ghost reference is better than the character's actual name: Miffany, y'all. It's Miffany.) I gave this one a shot, but it just wants to be too many things. It's suffering from genre overload. La Femme Nikita meets Memento meets Minority Report? Too much.
The Wall meets Wheel of Fortune. Poor Dax. I lasted 9 minutes before exhaustion kicked in.
Honorable Mention:
Holy. Fuck. THIS. MOVIE. Y'all!
It hurts like hell, but WATCH IT.
A surprisingly touching (not a double entendre) and in depth look at the life of a Holocaust survivor who just so happens to be the world's most famous sex educator.
A fucking gorgeous look at Wigstock and the New York drag scene through the ages.
A rather lovely and, at times, quite poignant look at a whistle-blower.