December Roundup, '19
A couple days late, but here it goes! Some proper holiday bops, but also quite a few creepies and crawlies, and as always with the extra good shit in bold. (Plus a little blip at the end of the list from our first ever guest microreviewer!) Dive on in...
Watch This Shit:
This is not your Grandma's Christmas Carol, kids. This one is your angry alcoholic grandpa's Christmas Carol. We're talking "fucks" and JAWLESS ghosts and child rape, oh my. Needless to say, it is dawrk.
Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show
This is the improvised story... of eight black comedians... picked [by each other] to live in a house... and have their lives taped... to find out what happens... when people stop performing at the UCB Theater... and start streaming on Netflix. #donttrustgarlic
If you're going to take this demon hunting series as seriously as the creators do (it starts off with a "Demons are real, don't try this at home" warning), then skip it because you'll be disappointed. But if you're in the mood to laugh at dumb folks acting a fool (highlights include: "Hey demon, this dude right here loves Jesus. You wanna slap him across the face real quick?" and "Most people are uncomfortable getting touched by spirits, but when they touch me, ooh-wee, they're speaking my language!"), then definitely check it out.
This is a weird one, but it's interesting, to say the least. You can't call it "true crime," since the cases the two investigators are looking into have already been closed and deemed not suspicious. So, it's more like two explorers retracing folks' steps, hoping to find crime to uncover (not that that's an impossibility, mind you). It manages to be creepier than other new shows meant to be creepy (more on the bullshit that is Ghost Loop below), so give it a shot.
A woman gets chained to the back of a truck, dragged around a football field, and survives. What do you imagine you would do to the men behind the wheel if you were her? This series is that. Very that.
Music Videos: The TV Show.
If you're a 90's kid and you miss the days of those extra long Michael Jackson videos, this one's for you. I was afraid it was just gonna be generic-ass pop songs, but then Amy came on and fixed everything.
Octavia Spencer is the journalist who documented the case of a 16-year-old convicted murderer, whom she now believes might be innocent. It's Serial meets some ugly-ass racism.
Lesbian mid-life crisis. But funny! #relatable
Meh:
Oh, murder's already been broughten! Or at least this series seemed to start out that way. Then it just turned into slutty high school cheerleader-y black mail drama.
I'm not giving this true crime docuseries a definitive "Watch" because I'm not sure where the focus is ultimately going to lie. If it's about Henry Lee Lucas' ridiculous confessions of 3,000 murders, then this one should get a hard pass. But if it's about police procedure and how drastically it needs to change, then by all means, watch this. But it's hard to tell from the first episode, which basically just introduces the viewer to Lucas at the time of his arrest and the beginnings of the investigations into his purported crimes.
Don't Fuck with Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer
A 3-part true crime doc that leaves literally everyone culpable in the death of Jun Lin, even you (just for watching this series, which... why make the fucking thing, then?)
As if "visiting your family for the holidays" hasn't been done enough already, Fox thought that same tale, told in yet another American remake of an Australian series, would be a good move for them.
I suppose it was just a matter of time before we got social media ghost hunters. Watch this one if you're into spooky shit and you love to read those fatherfucking text message bubbles on your TV.
Vampirism meets climate change. The idea is: ancient viruses are frozen in ice caps which are now melting, unleashing prehistoric hell on this here Earth.
You know me, normally I'd insist that you must watch anything horror-related, but this one strikes me as trying a bit too hard. And after 84 years of Ian Somerhalder playing a smarmy vampire douche, it's hard to believe him as a regular ol' human every-man.
Don't Watch This Shit:
The Christmas Caroler Challenge
Fuck Dean Cain.
Apparently this is based on a successful UK show. Which... hey, the UK, cut this nonsense out. Introducing blind dates to each other via choreographed dance? STOP IT. That's so fucking dumb.
Yet another twist on ghost hunting. This new group of folks look for ghosts that are stuck on a loop, repeating the same haunting behavior over and over again. It's more annoying than creepy, though. Lots of them reacting to nothing, "subtly" (by which I mean "not subtly at all") cueing each other, and bickering like children.
There is one cutie pie, though. I was gonna stick this one in "Meh" just for him, but nah, it's not worth it.
Honorable Mention:
Grown-Up Annie, at it again.
The Shit I'm Not Sure About, but Am Telling You to [Maybe] Watch Anyway:
Now, I must confess: I'm one of those gay men who has generally been friends with many more lesbians than other gay men. So, in fairness, I never watched The L Word 'cause I sort of felt like my life was The L Word. However, I've officially made the commitment to go back and watch it because it's probably a rite of passage for every LGBTQ2+ member, no matter where on the spectrum they may land.
With that said, I'm gonna go ahead and recommend this new sequel series because queer! New! Yay! Do it. Even if you're lame like me and never watched the original. Actually, especially if you're lame like me. 'Cause you definitely need a lesbians to whip you into shape.
I was very much on the fence about even watching this one when a real good Judy gave me his take on it so that I don't have to. The sexiest Welsh ginge that ever there was gives it a hearty "meh" with a shoutout to Yennefer, whose storyline is apparently much more compelling than albino Superman's.