February Roundup, '20
Lots of real good shit this Black History Month, though we did have to wait a while for some of it. But the crazy-good crop of women gracing our screens makes up for it. More on that in a bit, but first, let's go ahead and dive on in:
Watch This Shit:
Rosario Dawson's sister was a small-town Texas Sheriff until someone blew her and her car the-fuck-up. She also happened to leave behind 1.7 million in a life insurance policy, which for a 27-year-old making $55k per year, seems to imply she knew she was about to die. So, the question is: who did it and why? Also, what's the fucking deal with all the loose zoo animals, yo?
Now, real talk: Rosario's character is "some kind of investigator" working for a Senate sub-committee, which means "whatever they want it to." It just strikes me as interesting that this, in particular, is her first starring TV role after devoting her time to smearing Hillary and getting Drumpf elected, especially since it's quite literally partially based on HRC herself. I guess being a part of big government is cute when it starts paying your bills?
Anyway, don't watch this one because she's starring in it, watch it because Sam Esmail's producing it.
Oooooh, this sexy, sexy, sexy-ass series follows a couple (one of whom is the amazing Xosha Roquemore) over the span of 5 years. Each episode deals with one significant day in their relationship, with episode one detailing their meet-cute at the library (and, you know, all the other random shit in their lives, but the meet-cute's what matters).
Imagine if Amy Poehler was a 16-year-old boy and his mother. Actually, don't. Just watch this new cartoon instead.
Attention all drama junkies: you're gonna luhhhhhv this one. It's Oz meets All Rise. A convicted drug dealer (who didn't actually do any dealing) is serving life in prison, but has made the best of his first nine incarcerated years by becoming a practicing attorney. When he's not working to overturn his own conviction, he's trying to do the same for his fellow inmates. There's also a progressive warden who's very much on his side, and her wife (Mary Stuart Masterson!) who's running for District Attorney, trying to fix shit from the very top down.
Funny family dramz at abuelito's struggling taqueria. You will laugh, but also: be prepared to hate Wilmer Valderrama's greedy ass.
First and foremost, Zoë Kravitz can do no wrong. Secondly, Zoë Kravitz as a music-obsessed slight-romantic-mess of a thirty-something-year-old bisexual record store owner is so right, it's nuts. Third, you'll see a bunch of Jake Lacy's nipples. So... duh. Watch it. Because "the things that you like are as important, no—more important than what you are like."
The Americans meets The Boys in this post-WWII revenge tale. A young-ish weed dealer's grandmother is murdered in her living room. Al Pacino comes to the funeral and ends up unknowingly recruiting grandsonny-boy into his underground gang that hunts Nazis who are secretly living in disguise as Americans.
Mini-Amy Adams is coming of age as the new kid in town, dealing with her father's death and her unrealized crush on her first and only best friend, who just started dating the douchebagiest of the jocks. Her stoner neighbor (who's got major Ducky vibes) is clearly in love with her. Oh, and she might have superpowers.
P.S. Kathleen Rose Perkins is her mom and she's a-fucking-mazing.
A drama based on interrogation tapes from a real, and unsolved, 20-year-old murder case. A 17-year-old claims to have found his mother stabbed twice in the back in her living room. The cop who's interrogating him thinks he's full of all kinds of shit. And so does the polygraph test. Drama ensues.
I am by no means a fan of CBS, but CBS All Access really does seem to be a-whole-nother animal. I've liked damn near everything they've put out, so I've got faith in this one. HOWEVER... they're trying out this "watch the episodes in any order you choose" thing which is, quite frankly, next-level-dumb. (If you do choose to be that dumb, though, watch all of Emma Caulfield's episodes first 'cause she's the shit.)
It's Personal with Amy Hoggart
I think her intro says it better than I ever could: "I'm Amy Hoggart and I connect with real people struggling with real issues. Because life is hard. And I'm nice."
Alright, it's a lot, brace yourselves: so, there are these keys, right? A whole mess of them. They don't so much open locks as they just do different things; including help with suicide, bring you to ice cream parlors, or, like, let you walk through mirrors (when the mirrors aren't busy making your reflection smile at you like a full-on creeper), Alice-through-the-funhouse-looking-glass style. But at the heart of it all, there's what's-her-redhead from Scandal and her three kids (including the cutiebutt that is Connor Jessup) moving into a [fucking enormous] family home after daddy-o got shot and killed by a crazed student of his (who, by the way, happens to be obsessed with the aforementioned ginormo-house). Mamadukes figures now would be a great time to finally fix up the old neglected place and eventually sell it for a shit-ton of money. But first, they've got to deal with the talking wells spitting up Polaroids, whispering garbage disposals, misguided (but well-meaning) British dudes, and a lot of survivor's guilt. Plus a little bit of amnesia, maybe? And I guess some criminal plotting.
Overall, I'd say it's family-leaning mystery horror and well worth your time. I kinda wish it was about clocks instead of locks, just so "worth your time" would be a more clever closing line, but alas...
Heads up, true crime junkies. A pharmacist sets out to solve his son's murder, and in attempting to do so, spirals into single-handedly attempting to solve the opioid epidemic plaguing America. The first episode, however, deals mainly with the unfortunate death, the hunt for a witness, and what it took for her to testify.
Black girl super-spy magic! Foxy Brown, 007. Honestly, it's one of the very few series this roundup that's actually worthy of premiering during Black History Month. I'm low-key real mad Netflix waited until the end of the month to let us enjoy it.
Watergate: The Podcast.
If you're like me, you haven't really jumped onto the podcast bandwagon (though you did listen to the first season of Serial, because of course you did [and, sidebar: you know Adnad didn't do it because you looked into the phone records on the website and saw that the Nisha call at 3:32 p.m. lasted exactly two minutes and twenty-two seconds, which any loser '90s kid will tell you is about how long an unanswered call (to a number with no answering machine) would last. It was totally a butt-dial. But I digress...]). This series is essentially the TV adaptation of the podcast that dissected the fuck out of the Watergate scandal which, unfortunately, is incredibly timely today. "What was it like to live through Watergate without knowing how it was all going to end," asks the narrator. The answer: live through the Drumpf presidency. Or watch this series.
Queers on TV: The Docuseries. Y'all better watch the hell out of this one.
Meh:
I've been really wary of the latest crop of ghost hunting shows, as they all tend to be your standard "let's all overreact to things we couldn't possibly catch on camera" fare. This one's a little more subdued, though, which I liked. More time is spent on rural folks telling their own scary stories, but admittedly, it does eventually fall into the "psychic walk-through" trap.
Fran Drescher and that guy (who's one of those guys you've seen in a million things but never learned his name) go broke (on that #okayboomer tip) and have to move in with their son and his wife, played by Adam Pally and Abby Elliott.
Oh, there's also a lesbian dog groomer, 'cause why wouldn't there be?
Of the latest laugh-track-y sitcoms, this one isn't the worst.
Don't Watch This Shit:
This one was at least somewhat interesting (in a "watching weird-old-man-TV with your stepdad" kind of way) until some dumbass said "portal." Then my eyes rolled so far into my head that they made my brain turn this bullshit off.
I really want to like this nonsense, but it's just not made for 34-year-old-me. It's made for 13-year-old country bumpkins who dream of moving to "the big city" when they grow up.
This one is Netflix officially diving head-first into trash reality TV.
Mark Wahlberg thinks you need to hear more about white assholes robbing folks.
Madame Secretary meets police. Passsss.
Ugh. Some producer said "What if The Hunger Games was about hip-hop? Is that a show?"
Honorable Mention:
This movie's fucking wild, y'all! I don't even want to tell you anything about it, but I will say this:
Trauma.
Mental illness.
Aliens.
Also, Robin Tunney and what's-his-face from that one show.
You just gotta watch. Seriously.
We Are the Dream: The Kids of the Oakland MLK Oratorical Fest
Every year, hundreds of schools in Oakland, CA participate in their MLK Oratorical Fest, honoring the legacy of Dr. King with performances from elementary school kids. This doc follows just a few of the schools in the months leading up to the 2019 Fest and it will make you feel. So. Many. Feelings!
The Shit I Missed:
A very fun-drunk gay Australian is forced to move to America and raise his two teenage sisters after their father passes away.
It's way funnier than cancer, I promise. Probably just as funny as anal sex and iced tea, maybe?
Also, after watching this and realizing its creator is painfully hilarious, the Huz and I started watching his first series called Please Like Me. Be sure to check that shit out as well.
Ted Bundy: Falling for a Killer
"And what makes me so angry at him is that he did not do one positive thing for this world and he killed so many young women who would have." This powerful five episode docuseries looks at the infamous serial killer's crimes through a women's lib lens.