Blunt Talk, mostly about testicles


Starz is getting frisky, y'all. They're jumping on the bandwagon and releasing early episodes, ahead of the linear premiere, of their new Seth MacFarlane-helmed series Blunt Talk. If you were expecting Starz's answer to Showtime's Weeds, 'fraid it's not that kind of show. I mean, it kind of is... it's just not specifically about marijuana. It's more about balls, if anything. My first impression of Walter Blunt (hero of our story, played by Patrick Stewart) is thus: he's one of those sad drunks, who spend too much time at the same bar talking about historical factoids he, for one reason or another, knows too well. At least his factoids are somewhat interesting, though. For example, here's one about the Great Depression: A quarter of a million dollars is not enough money to receive for having lost your testicles, but it was quite the depression.

Sidebar: Data cameo!

Secondary impressions are thus: He is immensely secretive about his chocolate marijuana consumption and, when backed into a corner, he will happily spend time with a hooker (even those with "9-inch clits"). He also knows his way around a police officer's baton, which can come in quite handy when resisting arrest for licking nipples.

Sidebar: Perd Hapley cameo!

Mr. Blunt is a man of many marriages* who served in the British Army before immigrating to the states where he, according to the wisdom of online commenters, has no right to talk about everything this country does, in fact, do wrong. He also enjoys a good towel whipping at the hands of his man servant.

When not being whipped, he may be found in therapy being given cocaine (by his therapist) to counter-act the Ambien he may or may not have been accidentally given. This is the life he lives. Irreverent drug use mixed with prostitutes, bouts of unconsciousness, arrests, and police brutality. (In this circumstance it's police being brutalized by him. No matter how you feel about officers today, you've got to have sympathy for anyone with a bad case of "shattered testicles.")

The last of my impressions (although, less of an impression and more of a quote) are thus: Mr. Blunt likens himself to an American bald eagle.

Other than our new friend Walter, highlights of the pilot include:

"Somebody Google 'ruptured testicles.'" "...Could I spoon with you this time? I mean, I am a senior producer."

Catch the premiere of Blunt Talk, for these and other lol's, this Saturday at 9P EST on Starz. Or a DVR near you.

P.S.: Couldn't go without giving some praise where it's due: Dolly Wells steals the show quite a bit. P.P.S.: Does anybody else say things like "quite a bit" and "thus," which they normally wouldn't, whenever they watch something that has British characters in it?

*I spent a good five minutes being really angry about not being able to write that he was "quadrice divorced" since "quadrice" isn't a word, but "selfie" is. The year 2015 is quite (see PS above) stupid.