April Roundup, 2017

Welp, I've officially gotten to February, y'all! "Two months behind" seems to be my permanent DVR status (though, it'll probably turn into three). But, just for you, I made sure once again to watch all the premieres I could. My short takes on each are below.

Watch this shit:

American Gods
It feels so incredibly good to have Bryan Fuller back on television. There's simply nothing else like his shit. Period. I can't really tell you much about the plot, other than there's an ex-con trying to get to his wife's funeral, and a bunch of superhuman people (Gods, maybe?) revolving around him. He may or may not have become a God himself after beating up a leprechaun version of Pornstache. Also, a vagina straight up ate a dude. An entire person. Dentata realness, folks. If that ain't worth watching, I don't know what is.
Brockmire
A baseball announcer wading through the aftermath of his entire shitshow of a life becoming public knowledge (by him and his own drunken rant, mid-game). The twist: his unraveling was one of the world's first viral videos and then made even more famous by a Drake lyric (sidebar: fuck Drake) turning our dear announcer into a household name. So, naturally he's parlayed his "success" into a permanent announcing gig that comes with a stocked liquor cabinet. Plus, it's Hank Azaria. The only thing better than him being able to act in voice is when he does it with his shirt off. And it's on cable, so his nipples are bound to pop out. Also, Amanda Peet and Katie Finneran. They're worth mentioning because they're both amazing.
Dear White People
When the trailer for this series premiered, white folks went nuts. I remember lots of comments along the lines of "But if we tried to make a series called 'Dear Black People,' we'd be racist." Oh, we would, would we? A series centering on a black woman with knowledge of race relations is not racism. However, white folks reacting to the series with hate and negativity (before ever watching it) because its told from a perspective that's not theirs... is.

The real genius, and the reason this amazingness went to series without Netflix batting an eyelash, is because it's actually about that backlash. The series responds to every bit of inevitable reactionary nonsense in its first 10 minutes.

P.S.: The world NEEDS Defamation to be a real thing.
Dimension 404
Robert Buckley is so fucking cuuuute. Ugh. I can't handle how attracted to him I am. Which is kind of a shame since he's only in the first episode. (But whatever, I watch iZombie ['cause I'm a 13-year-old girl like that] which he stars in.) Anyway, he's only in this one episode because this sucker's one of them nifty anthology series that are all the rage these days. Think: Twilight Zone that doesn't take itself so seriously. Or a poor man's Black Mirror. It's good, don't get me wrong. It's just not bringing anything terribly unique to the table, other than a bit more comedy than its predecessors.
First Dates
Y'all... I was not prepared for how obsessed with this show I'd be. You are the fly on the wall of a restaurant in which real folks are going on very real blind dates with each other. That may sound lame to you (because it definitely did to me), but it is so worth a watch. Plus, Drew Barrymore narrates and I love me some her.
Guerrilla
This miniseries is a dramatization of real life events that took place in 1970s London. It shows the inner-workings and interpersonality of prominent figures in the black power movement. An apt story for the world we find ourselves living in today, along with:
The Handmaid's Tale
This shit is in-mother-fucking-tense. In a nutshell: A not too distant future that's a Republican's wet dream (which, today, they'll pretend they don't want, but actively, constantly try to get). #mynameisjune
Soundtracks: Songs That Defined History
A poignant look at history told from first-hand accounts and archival footage, with music at the heart. Drs. King and Simone feature prominently in the first episode, detailing the American civil rights movement.
Talk Show the Game Show
Pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Three celebs compete against each other to see which one is the best talk show guest. And once again: Tiffany Haddish is everything.
Talking with Chris Hardwick
Here's the ONLY reason this almost ended up in the "Meh" category: It's essentially Talking Dead/Bad/Saul/et al. minus Dead/Bad/Saul/et al. So, if you've never watched any of the iterations, the cutie pie that is Chris Hardwick talking to folks and having lots of laughs may not be your cup of tea. I, myself, would happily swim in that tea until my fingers got all pruney. I've been secretly in love with Mr. Hardwick since he had his incredibly 90s long hair on Singled Out, back when my only goal in life was to somehow end up on MTV because, really, what else was there to dream about? Anyway, if you hate watching bitches talking to each other about themselves and/or the entertainment industry, this ain't for you. A pretty big deal breaker will also be if you actually are or aren't a fan of whoever Chris' guest is.

Meh:

Great News
30 Rock meets the news room and gets less funny. Nicole Richie's hilarious, but only when she's unscripted, and I don't think even Andrea Martin can save this one. It's co-produced by Tina Fey, so there's definitely a chance the ship gets steered in the right direction, but that's basically the only reason this isn't on the "Don't Watch" list.
Hollywood Darlings
Beverley Mitchell, Christine Lakin, and Jodie Sweetin (each 90's teen stars in their own rights) try their hands at reality parody. I watched (and loved) Barely Famous, which Hollywood Darlings feels like a poor imitation of. It's just not as funny as its predecessor. We do get an inside look on Andrew Keegan's freakin' cult, though. That he really and truly actually runs.

Don't watch this shit:

Fire Island
If you LOVE reality shows about generic-ass people (with ridiculous bodies and a penchant for alcohol and drama) living in a dream house you wish you had the chance to even stand near, let alone live in... then this one's for you. I mean, look: It's cute and all that a single letter in the LGBTQ2 initialism gets another reality show dedicated all to themselves, but it doesn't make reality television any more interesting. The most possibly compelling thing that could happen between sexy gay men weekending on Fire Island for an entire summer is if some of them aren't feeling particularly horny one day and wish everyone would just keep their clothes on. I'll pass.
Girlboss
The coming of age story of a girl who is deliberately an asshole for no other reason than because she's sure there will be a definitive reason (that she believes she'll one day discover) why she's supposed to be an asshole. She's mad for the sake of being mad, she's rude for the sake of being rude, and she finds her reflection in any mirror fucking outstanding. This show is based on a book (which is based on a life), the title of which is a god damn hashtag. Even with Jim Rash and RuPaul cameos, this one's a hard pass.