August Roundup, '20
Full disclosure: I was thinking of skipping this month's blog in favor of an Augtember mashup next month because fucking nothing great was coming out. Then HBO went and smacked me in the face with Lovecraft Country and now here we are...
Watch This Shit:
An unprecedented inside look at exactly how fully disgusting ICE is.
Victims of a serial conman band together to hunt him down, using this 4-episode docuseries as one of their tools to hopefully do so, Unsolved Mysteries-style.
It also paints a clear picture of the (prepare for utterly sarcastic shock in 3, 2, ...) complete ineptitude of police.
A black army vet, with a love for Lovecraft and a penchant for some lucid-ass dreaming, returns home from service to Jim Crow-era Chicago. A cryptic letter sends him, his uncle, and Jurnee Smollett (who just doesn't have an elsewhere to be) cross-country on the hunt for his missing father, but what they find is that H.P.'s work is a bit less than fictional. And that white America can be more evil than fuckin' Cthulhu.
The Travel Channel continues its attempt to completely dominate the "creepy TV" landscape with this latest A Haunting clone, this time focusing on folks who work various overnight jobs. It's your standard narration and dramatic reenactment fare, except for some random British dude who pops in every one in a while to explain ghost "rules," but far be it for me to complain about having more scary shit to watch.
There isn't much we didn't learn from Filthy Rich, but the main difference, from what I can tell, is that this four-part Lifetime docuseries will include Ghislaine Maxwell's arrest. No matter what, though, the survivors deserve to be heard whenever they're willing to tell their stories.
Jason Sudeikis is a super-country football coach from Kansas who gets hired by the new owner of an English football team (that's soccer, ya' dumb Murican!), who got ownership of it in her divorce settlement from her cheating ex-husband (Giles!!!) and wants to destroy it, Major League-style.
Me, straight boys, and sports don't usually mix, but this shit's actually pretty cute. Jason's hella likable (way more likable than Brockmire who got a "Watch" from me back in the day, but I got tired of his shit after about three episodes) and there are lots of man titties on regular display in the locker room, so... thumbs up, y'all.
I mean... sometimes the series title is microreview enough. What's missing in this title, though, is wonder twin powers, racist-ass Jesus freaks, and Dwayne Wayne. It's great except for the fact that they eat Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A can suck a fat one.
You might have seen a few previous specials examining the NXIVM cult, but this nine-episode series is a much deeper dive into the extreme abuses forced upon its female members from its sociopathic leader and his cohorts.
Following suit with their upgrade of Unsolved Mysteries, Netflix is now saying "fuck America" and looking for the bitches eeeeevery-fucking-body wants. This one's for you, true-crimers.
I'm really unsure how to describe this one... It's kinda HarmonQuest meets Australia meets selfie culture meets... zombie hobos? It's a real good time.
Meh:
The life and times of early video games, in six parts. NERD ALERT!
Jake Johnson is the latest miserable cartoon dude in this "fuck"-filled animated half-hour basketball comedy. It's... not for everyone.
Far be it for me to not fully recommend anything creepy, but a lot of the enjoyment you'd get from this series comes from spending sixty minutes sitting around with the Osbournes. For me, that's a gay ol' time, but I know it probably wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. Either way, though, I think Jack trying to convince Sharon and Ozzy that the supernatural is real via viral videos definitely deserves a view.
Star Trek: Life on the Animated D-list. I am by no means a Trekkie, but you don't need to be in order to enjoy this one. You just have to like dumb cartoons.
Don't Watch This Shit:
Prehistoric Fungi: The Animated Series. Created by one of Clarence's producers, it's cute and silly, but... it's no Clarence.
Just what we all desperately needed! Sappy romcom bullshit set against the backdrop of a deadly global pandemic.
RuPaul's Drag Race: Vegas Revue
It's billed as the making of Ru's live show, but it's really just a reality series for those who think Drag Race isn't dramatic enough. Honestly, it's some Real Housewives of Drag Race bullshit.
I don't know why they keep making these True Life spin-off shows rather than just making new friggin' episodes of the parent series. It's confusing and lame, MTV! Just sayin'.
Anyway, if the title isn't self-explanatory enough, folx in quarantine self-record this 4-episode docuseries about some of the shit we've all had to deal with this year. Like that damn Freeform series, it's more shit we don't really need.
It's essentially just a gender-swapped Wicked City which, as far as TV dramas go, failed miserably.
Honorable Mention:
Beth Stelling's here to tell you about the "white man's FUBU" (the criminal justice system) and I. Am. Here. For. It. You should be too.
Three delinquents and one try-hard have to Boy Scout their way through the Scottish Highlands for the Duke of Edinburgh's Award, but end up having to avoid getting murdered as fuck by Eddie Izzard. Proper horror movie goodness.
A loving portrait of the gay man behind the Disney songs '90s kids grew up with, told mostly through narration and photography.
Yusuf Hawkins: Storm Over Brooklyn
An in-depth look at the 1989 murder of a black teenager by a gang of white men, as well as the vitriolic racism in New York displayed in response to the Hawkins family's and their community's quest for justice.
I pray for the day when a thirty year old story like Yusuf's stops being timely.
The Shit I Missed:
It's sort of like if Firefly was an animated comedy, except more redneck than cowboy. Anyway, it's funny. Give it a shot. It premiered back when a "YouTube Red Original" was a thing in 2018, but first aired linearly this month on Syfy.
Originally premiering overseas back in March, Peacock's finally given us their first quality "original" this month. It reunites Mel & Sue (of Bake-Off fame) as two bumbling murderers-for-hire.